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Articles of Interest
Behavior Management
Using Behavior Charts
Reward Ideas
Consequences For Young Kids & Toddlers
When To Negotiate With Kids
Summer Vacation Problems
Kids Stealing From Parents
Attention Seeking Behavior
Why You Shouldn't Argue With Your Child
Bedtime Arguments And Homework
Regain Parental Control
Dealing With Defiant Young Kids and Toddlers
Using Natural Consequences
Summer Break Strategies
Create Accountability During Summer Break
Gaining Respect From Kids
Parenting Angry Teens
When Good Kids Misbehave
When Kids Only Act Out At Home
When No Means No
Start Parenting More Effectively
When Kids Ignore Consequences
When Your Kids Ignore You
Giving Effective Time-Outs
Dealing With Power Struggles Part 1
Avoiding Power Struggles Part 2
Setting Limits With Difficult Kids
How To Stop A Fight
Oppositional Defiant Disorder
Manipulative Behavior
Keep Your Summer Break Peaceful
Summer Survival For Parents
Disciplining Your Two Year Old
How To Stop Kids From Cursing
Inappropriate Soiling
Consequences For Teens
The Truth About Bullies
Stopping A Temper Tantrum

Potty Training


Classroom Management

Classroom Management Strategies

First Year Survival

Stop Bullying In Your Classroom

Controlling The Uncontrollable Class

Child Development

Birth to Age Five

Six to Eleven

Preteens & Teens

Importance Of Play In Child Development




Tips For Parenting ADHD and  Spirited Kids

Unlocking The Secrets To Good Behavior

Summer Planning For A Child With ADHD

Stress Management

Stress Management Tips

Stress-Guarding Your Family

Managing Holiday Stress

Preventing Parental Burnout

How To Be A Calm Parent

Alternative Families

General Parenting/Family 

Top 5 Parenting Mistakes
Parenting The Child You Have
Gaining Respect From Kids
Spending Money On Kids
Fix Your Morning Routine
Perfect Parents Dont Exist
How To Interview A Nanny
When Good Parents Have Difficult Children
Parenting Gifted Children
New Year's Resolutions For Parents
Deciding Appropriate Parenting Rules
Is Your Child A Know-it-all?
Successful Goal Setting
Walking Away From A Fight With Your Child
Creating Accountability In Your Home
Good Cop Bad Cop Parenting
Help Transition Your Kids Through Divorce
Parenting Picky Eaters
When Toddlers Are Picky Eaters
Help Kids Cope With Pet Loss
Great Book Series For Kids
What You Shouldn't Say To Your Kids

Keep Cool When Kids Push Your Buttons

Parenting Your Teen
Helping Kids Adjust To The New Baby
Summer Structure For Kids
Teaching Kids How To Save Money
Selecting The Right Pet
75 Ways To Say Good Job
Getting Kids To Love Reading

Why Boredom Is Good For Kids
Getting Along With Your Preteen
Bedwetting Solutions
Summer Job Ideas For Teens
Halloween Safety Tips
Halloween Party Snack Ideas
Autism/Sensory Disorders/Anxiety
Tips To Tackle Tricky Behaviors




Giving Consequences To Young Kids & Toddlers




Ever get stuck trying to give the right consequences to your young child or toddler? Know that whether they're 18 months or five years old, you should always try to do the following three things when giving consequences:
  • Instruct your child appropriately
  • Work to understand their temperament
  • Help your child learn from their inappropriate behavior



Remember, teaching accountability by giving consequences can start at the beginning, when your child is still small-in fact, it's one of the most important things you could ever teach them. The key is to do it as effectively as possible!

Here is one simple rule of thumb: When instructing your child, use a matter-of-fact tone. It's hard for children to pay attention to exactly what you're saying when they sense that you're upset or angry. Besides, you want to model the behavior you want them to learn. Give instructions in such a way that it tells the child that you expect them to master self-control at some point. Experiencing a consequence in the moment is important for this age, but take time to calm down first if you're feeling frustrated.

If you find yourself at odds with your child a lot, maybe scratching your head and wondering where they're coming from, take a minute to consider their temperament. It may be different from yours. Notice your child's attention span, activity level, how they react toward people or any sensitivity to their environment, and pay attention to their moods and the intensity of their emotional responses. Here are some examples of things to look for:

* Really energetic kids may have a hard time stopping themselves, could be more impulsive and will need a lot of "hands-on" coaching from parents.

* Children who are withdrawn may need more encouragement and time to respond, and might rebel if pushed. They may also need tasks broken down for them: "Here's what to do first. Now do this."

* Emotionally sensitive kids may feel too responsible or overwhelmed. Make sure you're focusing on behavior and skills and not "why" they did something inappropriate.

* Environmentally sensitive kids need to have the over-stimulation reduced. When they're over-stimulated, they might not hear you when you're talking to them. They might do best after taking a calming time-out.

* Those with short attention spans might have trouble carrying out a request with a lot of steps. Break the request down to one instruction at a time for them.

It's very important to understand your child's temperament along with their skill level. James Lehman says, "Start where your child is at and coach them forward." This means you should try to understand their capacities and challenge them to do just a little bit better. For example, one of the best ways to help them learn skills is to do tasks with them. Also, it's important to realize that it's not necessary at this age to require a child to do their "chore" on their own.

Most of the time, when your young child is acting out or behaving inappropriately, just redirecting them will be enough. If the child clearly understands that the behavior is not acceptable and yet does it anyway, try to keep the consequence directly related to the behavior. Consequences that are too harsh or that take away an unrelated possession or privilege will not help your child understand the connection between what he has done and the consequence.

To increase your child's understanding, connect his behavior to a result or a consequence with the words you use when correcting him. "If you keep throwing that toy, it will break and you won't have it to play with anymore." [Consequence: time-out the toy.] Here are some other examples of appropriate consequences-and how to give them:

* "If you can't calm yourself down, you're going to have to go to your room and rest for awhile. You can calm down in there."

* "If you don't help clean up, it will take longer and we won't have as much time to play."

* "You could get hurt. I'm going to stop you from doing that."

Giving consequences to a young child and holding them accountable takes a lot of energy and patience, because your child will need a lot of rehearsal and repetition at this young age to learn to cope with his feelings and master skills. But take heart-you will eventually be rewarded with better behavior
!Giving Consequences To Young Kids and Toddlers reprinted with permission from Empowering Parents

by Carole Banks

*Related articles: When Kids Ignore Consequences, Effective Discipline for Two-Year-Olds


Carole Banks is a Parental Support Line Advisor for the The Total Transformation Program. If you are a Total Transformation customer, you can access the Parental Support Line for help with challenges you're experiencing with your child.











































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